When we have open communication with our partner, where we feel safe asking for what we need and sharing our feelings openly, we can more easily identify how we feel about the situation and decide if we are able to find some coionmmon ground or if we must agree to disagree. Some problems are resolvable, while others remain perpetual. Remember, we don’t have to agree on everything in order to get along or even love each other.

When one or more people in a relationship are upset, we sometimes support them by being like detectives, curious about what is wrong, what has happened, and asking how we can help? One of the most important things to seek and understand about this individual is the origin of what they are feeling. When we can get to the source of someone’s difficult emotions, we have an opportunity for catharsis, progress, and closure. This is one of the beautiful and healing things that relationships offer us.

From infancy, we form critical emotional attachments to our primary caregivers.  As we identify our needs to them, our caregivers work to provide us with what we need to feel cared for and safe. Unmet needs result in an interruption in this attachment process, resulting in injuries that over time can impact how we learn to connect emotionally. When attachment needs are unmet we often respond by engaging more or withdrawing. This is referred to as anxious or avoidant attachment behavior. One or both are present in most all of us and can be witnessed most in primary relationships.

It is our nature to seek to resolve our attachment injuries in our intimate relationships and through the interpersonal dynamics within them. For instance, childhood neglect experiences may lead to a heightened attachment need and fears of abandonment. One might respond by over-functioning, by withdrawing, or some combination of both (anxious/avoidant). The point is, you are working to tend to that unmet need from before and take that opportunity to reconcile, or get it met. Healthy attachment involves identifying unmet needs and what steps you and your partner can take individually and as partners to acknowledge and tend to them.

In therapy we work first to deescalate tension, frustration and resentment to move you toward a space in which you feel safe or positive about working to improve your relationship experience. Next, a skills inventory looks at what you are doing that is working and offers potentially new concepts that you can add to your relationship skills repertoire. Maximizing these skills empowers effective conveyance of your own values, needs, and expectations to your partner and enhances your skill at more effectively navigating and negotiating satisfying results. This clarity and openness of communication will foster your next step, which is to enhance and deepen your emotional connection. This leads to increased shared meaning and relationship satisfaction.

In relationships, depression is often identified more quickly, and can therefore be treated earlier. People in relationships are often paying closer attention to their partner’s functioning and can offer insight as well as support. Depression can cause conflict in relationships as it may lead a partner to act uncharacteristically, such as being moody, impatient or frustrated. They may be more likely to isolate and avoid others. Individuals often know their partner so well, that it can be troubling to see solutions that their partner is avoiding or directly refusing. Patience, empathy and compassion can be called on, and tested more than ever before, as relationships navigate depressive symptoms.

If one or all of the individuals in your relationship are experiencing depression, I will work with you to help resolve the underlying causes as a unit and gain access to the life and love your aspire to.

Polyamory and consensual non-monogamy are also areas I’m passionate about. These relationship styles require strong communication skills, trust, and a willingness to confront personal insecurities. I’ve seen individuals thrive when given the opportunity to explore love outside the traditional boundaries of monogamy. Whether it’s helping someone establish clear boundaries, navigate jealousy, or work through the logistics of managing multiple partnerships, I aim to help my clients create relationships that feel nourishing and sustainable.

Similarly, in the realm of kink and BDSM, I’m constantly inspired by the courage and vulnerability it takes for people to embrace their desires. There’s a misconception that kink is inherently unhealthy or deviant, but in reality, many of these relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. My job is to help clients integrate these aspects of their identity into their lives in a way that’s affirming and empowering.